Feelings of Inadequacy

July 13, 2013

 
There are really no words to describe the first 6 weeks of my child's life. It's difficult to express the overwhelming joy I have in this new role of mine. I have had many jobs, responsibilities, church callings, etc., and I have never felt as fulfilled as I do now. Despite the sleepless nights and constant worrying, there is an overwhelming sense of joy that accompanies life as a parent. I have never been happier in all of my 28 years of life. Being in charge of this little human is the most important thing I will ever do and I can't imagine my life without him. It's amazing that Heavenly Father entrusts me with this sweet spirit. How will I live up to His expectations? How do you know if you are being a good mother?

These feelings of inadequacy began when I was waiting in an office, minding my own business, when Riggins began crying. I knew it was about that time for him to eat his "happy meal", so I pulled him out of his car seat and quickly mixed the formula I had in my favorite Petunia Pickle bottom diaper bag. I put the bottle to his lips and Riggs began sucking away as fast as his little mouth could swallow. This random lady turned to me and snidely asked, "Aren't you nursing?" I was taken back by the question and I felt a red hot flush come over my face. These feelings of self-doubt and guilt swept over me as I tried to gather my composure. I felt like a failed mother who (gasp!) gave her child formula out of a bottle! This experience left me with feelings of inadequacy. What kind of mother gives her 6 week old formula instead of nursing from the breast? After talking to my husband and some other amazing women from my playgroup, my guilt quickly subsided as I realized that IT'S OK! This woman was in the wrong for asking such a personal question and judging me for something she knew nothing about. Every mom has their own opinions and shouldn't push those opinions on someone else. Yay for women who do natural birth! Hurray for women who can breastfeed for one whole year! Rude comments about your parenting - how you hold your child, what you feed your child, your choices on sleep training or not - can be very hurtful and are really none of your business! Deciding what works for our family and for little Riggs is up to us. We have been prayerful in all decisions we have made up to this point, and I just want to say BUTT OUT to anyone who is judging us. My little Riggins was losing weight at the 2-week check up and the pediatrician told us to supplement with formula because I'm not producing enough milk for him. I eat oatmeal...I take Fenugreek supplements...I pump after nursing....I nurse him for hours until I am raw and he comes away still hungry! So, if the nosy lady who judged me for not nursing is reading, I AM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN. All I know is that every decision is made with lots of love, prayer, research, and of course my own natural MOTHER BEAR(thanks Erin) instincts.

Riggins is the best baby I could ever ask for. He rarely cries, and when he does it's because he is hungry. He is 6 weeks now and beginning to coo and grunt more and SMILE! He looked up at me today and smiled -like a real smile. It was an open mouth grin that made mama melt. He loves his tummy time and I swear he is the strongest little baby. He holds up his head on this own for long periods of time. The time is already passing so fast and I'm sure he will be crawling before I can blink. I would do anything for this child of mine. 

Love you 150 Riggs,

Mama

11 comments:

  1. Best post Lac! I AGREE and you're AWESOME and the best

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  2. ... Mom ever! Love your pics!! (Olive has that bedding!)

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  3. Love you Lace...And always remember...you're the only one who know what's best for little Riggs.

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    1. Thanks mom. I'm just trying to be good mom like you!

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  4. Hi Lacy! I love your post! Nothing can ever compare to a mother's love. You are an amazing parent and I know you'll be an awesome mom for Riggins. Take care. :)

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    1. Thank you so much! I have so much to learn about parenting but we are just loving every minute of it!

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  5. Oh Lace. Did I tell you that Nathan nearly starved for three months until his mom & pediatrician figured out she just couldn't produce enough milk for him? His sweet mom was beating herself up and trying everything but basically starving her baby before she gave herself permission to use formula. And all 6 of her kids turned out healthy, smart, athletic and (I think) pretty dang good looking! People should worry about their own babies, not yours. By the way, I love him and miss him.

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    1. Thanks for telling that story. It helps to hear that other mothers struggle with producing enough milk too! He misses you so much:)

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  6. You are fantastic and sounds like you've got the happiest baby around!! Don't let others get you down I feel like guilt comes with motherhood and we need to build each other upas much as we can. You are a great mom don't let anyone make you think otherwise!! Love you.

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    1. I miss you and we need to talk on the phone soon! I can't believe you have 2 children!!!!!

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  7. Hi Lacy. I love your blog. And I love this post. I was pretty judgmental about parenting until I became a mother and realized I sometimes have to do things that I used to look down on. We do what's best and works for us and the baby and that's it. Also, I've had a really hard breastfeeding experience too. My baby Tucker was starving for a month before I realized something was wrong. He's a chewer and is still learning how to suck. I also have to pump after every feeding so I feel your pain. I never knew breastfeeding problems were so common. So, know that you're not alone! There are plenty of women going through the same thing, including me. Hope everything goes well. So happy for you.

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