Late Night Chats About Love

September 03, 2013


Hunter asked me a question last night that I will never forget.

"Do you love the baby more than you love me?"

No.
Sometimes. 
Never in a million years.

 Such an unfair question. We were just laying in bed talking about the day, when he bombarded me with this question. I laid there for a moment letting it sink in because of course the good wife in me wanted to say, "I love you both the same!" The more I thought about it the more I realized that I love them both in a different way. It's like comparing apples to oranges. There really is no way to compare the two. A mother's love is unlike any other.

I tried to communicate with Hunter that the love I feel for both of them is of the same intensity, but that he could do something to hurt me. My husband could hurt my feelings or yell at me or make me feel inadequate (not on purpose, of course), but Riggins couldn't do anything to hurt me right now. Riggs could never do anything in the world to make me stop loving him. He will throw tantrums, hit me, tell me he hates me, make mistakes, etc., but all these things won't take away from my love for him. It will motivate me to make me work harder as a mother. I now understand a little bit about my mother's love for me.

Riggins fulfills me in a way that no other person or thing in the world can. My heart wants to burst when I look at him or hold him. It's because I created this human being with the man I chose to marry. The man I love more than any other. The love for my husband is more of a romantic-best-friend-make-me-better-passionate kind of love. The love for Riggins is the I-would-jump-in-front-of-a-train-and-do-anything-for-you kind of love.

I love them both fiercely. I love them the same, but differently. Does that make sense? 

So who comes first?

I told Hunter that if he was crying and the baby was crying that I would definitely go comfort the baby first. Does that mean I love my baby more? No. Does that mean he is a priority when it comes to comforting the baby and meeting his needs. Yes. Riggs is helpless right now and Hunter is not. Does that mean I can neglect my husband and his needs? No. It just means that Hunter may have to wait on the sidelines for a little bit while I nurse the baby or put him to sleep or change his poops. We must be patient with each other while I try to get the hang of this mothering thing. Being a mother and a wife is a balancing act and I hope I can learn how to juggle both with ease. Some women make it look so easy. 
  
Marriage should not become an afterthought.Your kids will grow up and leave you one day, but you grow old with your husband. I'm beginning to see that without love in marriage, the rest of the family would fall apart. I know I need to work harder at making Hunter feel important and loved during this time of transition for us. Marriage is the foundation.

We loved our baby before he was even born. Instant love. It happened so naturally and I'm beginning to see it takes less work to love my child.  It took a little more time and work (2 weeks..lol) to fall in love with Hunter. We met, dated and learned about each other and then fell in love. It was a love that needed to grow and strengthen and still needs to be nourished over time. But we should never underestimate the power of a love that is chosen, that exists between a man and his wife.

I chose Hunter. Riggins was a gift.
 I love them both the same, but differently.





19 comments:

  1. You are amazing with both roles you hold. That was a beautiful post. Thank you!

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    1. Thanks! It was a good lesson for me to learn! We miss you around here!

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  2. These pictures are amazing! And you should write a book. You are pretty great!

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    Replies
    1. Miss you. Wish we could see each other. I've been thinking about you lots lately!

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Whenever me and Riggs are crying at the same time, Lacy actually consoles us both simultaneously... that's the kind of mother and wife she is. Seriously an amazingly well-written post. Not sure how I got so lucky. Love my lady.

    Hunter

    PS I had to repost this bc I spelled console wrong... Consul is some sort of high Russian political office. Thanks Lace

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    Replies
    1. xoxo. Don't forget I won the spelling bee in 5th grade. C-O-N-S-O-L-E Console. Love you to the moon.

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  5. You are welcome! It's fun learning this new stage of life. Hope you are doing well:)

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